I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
