New invention idea: vibrating tampons
where does the pee come out of this thing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
