i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
