maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
