I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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