I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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