I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
