It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
