Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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