I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
