If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
