I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she peed on how many people?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
