Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
