So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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