i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
