I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
