Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
