u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
