If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
