I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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