You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize