I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
