Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
