I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
