i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
