I'm gonna have a badass scar
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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