he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
