I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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