Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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