matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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