we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
