you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
