I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
