I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.