Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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