Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.