Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (840) Good night (143446) Bad night (9671)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

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  (810): She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance. http://tfl.nu/vgvp
  Replies (69) Good night (8890) Bad night (790)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers

  (440): View more from Ohio

  its only a rough draft.

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  (513): thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers (440): its only a rough draft. http://tfl.nu/pfud
  Replies (10) Good night (3793) Bad night (764)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.

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  (720): Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head. http://tfl.nu/67uq
  Replies (5) Good night (2692) Bad night (1859)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school

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  (360): Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school http://tfl.nu/4t6a
  Replies (10) Good night (2281) Bad night (696)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle

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  (412): I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle http://tfl.nu/d1bx
  Replies (1) Good night (594) Bad night (1200)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town

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  (443): Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town http://tfl.nu/3b43
  Replies (1) Good night (2072) Bad night (620)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

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  (586): If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption http://tfl.nu/zznp
  Replies (13) Good night (1335) Bad night (1943)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight

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  (603): Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight http://tfl.nu/77hx
  Replies (4) Good night (1303) Bad night (435)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.

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  (604): So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/yo38
  Replies (6) Good night (407) Bad night (2388)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.

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  (740): do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment. http://tfl.nu/04bg
  Replies (12) Good night (2262) Bad night (1069)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.

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  (515): You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it. http://tfl.nu/eptf
  Replies (6) Good night (1924) Bad night (547)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations

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  (413): Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations http://tfl.nu/s70c
  Replies (2) Good night (265) Bad night (469)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."

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  (617): Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now." http://tfl.nu/y913
  Replies (7) Good night (1009) Bad night (270)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far

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  (301): literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far http://tfl.nu/z1xz
  Replies (5) Good night (368) Bad night (155)

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