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So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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