I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
