I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
