And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I could make wine with my vomit
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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