I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And then he peed in my hair
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