ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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