I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
