somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
