Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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