She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
