update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
