She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
