woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
