And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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