I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
