Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
