And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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