I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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