these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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