It was confusing and full of hummus
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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