**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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