spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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