well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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