Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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