I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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