Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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