What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
