Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
