did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Green mimosas i think yes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
