I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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