so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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