Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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